I don’t even know where to begin…So yall are going to get a lot, read away if you’re interested in secrets, weight loss surgery, food issues, food allergies, nasty details, oh and a new lifestyle. If not, scroll to the bottom for the recipe, a few things may confuse about the recipe if you don’t know all that I’m about to divulge though.
Where to begin….For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the chubby girl, the girl with the pretty hair/eyes/face, the one with the awesome personality…But I’ve been overweight since before I was 10. I’ve tried all the diets, no carb, Weight Watchers, calorie restriction, all of it..Nothing worked, I didn’t want it bad enough. Several years ago, August of 2008, to be exact, I had the Lap Band procedure. I was close to 300 pounds, 297 exactly. Now I know there are a lot of people who face issues and weigh more than mine…I’m not trying to make this seem dramatic. Just my story.
I did good with the Lap Band the first couple of months, lost probably 20-30 pounds. But I never truly changed the way I ate. With most weight loss surgeries, they tell you to stop ingesting certain things, I didn’t listen to any of them. I still ate whatever I wanted, sometimes I would eat less than I would normally, sometimes I’d get slapped in the face by the Lap Band and regret what I ate. I’ll spare you the details, google it if you’re interested and don’t already know what I mean. June of 2009, I found out I was pregnant, complete surprise, complete surprise! So I had my Lap Band loosened as much as possible for the remainder of the pregnancy, I found out I was pregnant at 20 weeks. I had a wonderful pregnancy, gained an “average” 25-30 pounds. Delivered a beautiful normal sized baby girl. I say normal because as someone who has always been “big,” having a “fat” baby was one of my biggest fears. Long story short, because I didn’t find out I was pregnant until 20 weeks along, the day I conceived her and my due date were guesses. I remember a sonogram at 38 weeks and them telling me she was already 8 pounds. I wanted them to induce me then, first, she was full size, second, I didn’t want a fat baby. I went 3 more weeks. Two days before I delivered her, I was told she’d be 10 to 11 pounds, I was devastated. November 19, 2009, at 41 weeks on the dot, I delivered a little 7 pound 14 ounce baby…they were wrong, thank God! Anyway….I lost all my pregnancy weight very easily, in fact lost another 10 or so pounds from my pre baby weight.
I went back and continued with my Lap Band fills…But I never truly changed the way I ate…I used the Lap Band for all the hard work. I became a professional at throwing up, one of the side effects of not eating right with the Lap Band, I could throw up into a Walmart bag while driving down the road, I kept Walmart bags in my center console in the car, it’s disgusting how much I cheated the system, disgusting how much I was ok with throwing up just so I could eat what I wanted.
November of 2012, something changed though. I began having other issues…Once again I’ll spare you all the details, but just know my intestines hated me. They were raging a war against the rest of my body, all day, every hour, no matter what I ate. This went on for over a year, nothing changed it. I was miserable, didn’t feel good, was constantly tired, the list goes on and on. I hated life. I finally called my doctor after almost a year of this, she prescribed a medication that would kill a virus, bacteria or infection in my stomach/intestines, if I had one. Those little pills made me feel normal for 10 days and then I was right back to hell.
Tired of the weight still staying right along 220, losing and gaining the same 10-15 pounds, I decided a week ago that I finally had to deal with my food issues. I didn’t get to close to 300 pounds because I hate food, I got there because I LOVE food and given the chance I will eat and eat and eat and eat and eat, all while drinking more calories than some people in an entire day. I was and still am a food addict. As of right now, I’m staying right around 1200 calories, while reaching for 80 grams of protein, daily. I’m not a doctor, I don’t suggest this for anyone..It’s just what I’m doing.
Now back to the intestine issues, for close to 2 months now I’ve been researching my symptoms, talking to people, trying to figure this all out. Sure I could go to the doctor, get poked and prodded, tested, examined, this scope, that scope…And I may eventually but if I can figure out something that works for me, without spending tons of money, I’m all over that. Right now I’ve chosen a gluten free lifestyle. I’m not promising that’s my issue, I just know that I have every one of the symptoms, some which are very specific and only are known to gluten sensitivity/celiac disease. Right now, as I write this, I am on day 5 of no gluten and I feel like a different human being. I’m not a 100% well but I am getting better.
So…1200 calories, give or take, 80 grams of protein, give or take, and no gluten! I’ve chosen all this for myself but at times, it’s lonely. Because I’m just starting this journey, I am still cooking what we have in the house, what I had bought two weeks ago, needless to say I’m cooking two meals every night. Plus I’m packing my breakfast and lunch so I know I’m following these guidelines. I will begin cooking gluten free only very soon, I’m going to try to stay with things that are naturally gluten free, and substitute gluten free items when necessary The gluten free thing is the hardest, the dang thing is in everything, especially the things I love the most. It’s a process and I’ll learn.
I know this isn’t the way a lot people live, I’m sure plenty of people will insist I give this a try, insist I not use a sugar substitute…And all of your ideas and suggestions are appreciated, but please just know…I don’t want to be this way, I don’t want to have issues with food, I don’t want to eat super natural/organic, I don’t want to have to eat gluten free, I just want the normal life I’ve always lived, just at a healthier weight and feeling better.
This morning I woke up, knowing I’m cooking a dinner for everyone, that I can’t eat, I’ve already made something I can eat, it’s in the fridge in portions for the rest of the week…But I still wanted a dessert…see this fat mind thing working. The woman wants what she’s always had, but I had to make it work, I had to make it gluten free, I had to make it low enough in calories that I could justify a piece…So this is what I came up with.
Well…here is where you would normally find the recipe but after publishing this, and tasting the cake a few times I’ve decided to take the recipe down. Learning to bake gluten free is definitely a challenge!!! Going to leave the rest of the post up in hope that its helps other to not feel along in this scary daunting world of weight loss and GF.